Neither Time Nor Place
by a.bolina
Summary: Remus remembers two lessons well taught and Luna is lost in the place where Remus finds himself most completely. Sequel to Quite Contrary, but may be read alone.


NEITHER TIME NOR PLACE

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of JK Rowling and co. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: Remus remembers two lessons well taught and Luna is lost in the place where Remus finds himself most completely. Sequel to _Quite Contrary_, but may be read alone.

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Remus Lupin often observed that the brightest mornings came not on the happiest days for him, but rather on the most esoteric. Perhaps there was some magic about the sun that always made him think especially deep thoughts, the sort of thoughts that, rather than making one feel joyous or illuminated or unique, humble and pacify. Remus never came to profound understandings that he was the only one that understood. He came to profound understandings that understanding usually comes from the simple, the meek, and that such meekness in and of itself is beautiful.

It should have, by all means, _been_ one of the happiest moments of Remus' life. Voldemort was once again and forever gone. His essence and his presence were obliterated, and Harry Potter was once again the name on magical lips throughout the world. But Remus, as he stared out from a window of the damaged Hogwarts castle, did not feel the joy others felt.

Remus left the castle, leaving the bustling officials and loud, celebrating students behind. He felt embarrassingly like a moody teenager. There was so much to be thankful for and yet, Remus could feel nothing but a strange melancholy. He felt as if his whole life as it lay behind him had been spent waiting to live and his life in front of him was an empty abyss.

These were not mature emotions, and wandering away from the central hub of disorganized celebration and repair was not a mature reaction, but Remus felt drawn to walk the path he had taken numerous times as a moody, distrustful and immature student at Hogwarts. The path led to a small shore of the lake, where the water was still and sheltered. Large willow trees were overhanging the lake and there was a small field of tall grass, where Remus had never laid with James or Sirius or Peter, but often with Lily or, when he was a prefect, with younger students who were having a rough time away from home. It was not a place for ego or show, but a place for escape and honesty.

Lily and he used to play a game there. Whenever one had something to tell the other that was of any importance, they would alert the other in the morning, and, after classes during the day, they would race down to the field and tell each other whatever needed to be said. One day, in September of their seventh year, after having not played the game for nearly two years, Remus approached Lily and told her he had something to tell her. Her eyes grew bright with a playfulness of younger days and she laughingly told him she had a secret as well.

Classes that day were painfully long. Remus kept sending glances at Lily trying to figure out what she might have to tell him, but she did not return the glances all day except for once at lunch when he was sitting with James, Sirius and Peter; she sent him the largest smile he had ever seen.

When Remus and Lily raced down to the clearing that afternoon, the fresh autumn air whipping Lily's red hair violently behind her head, Remus' stomach churned with anticipation. They collapsed, out of breath and flushed in the tall grass.

"You first," Lily insisted as she looked at Remus in a way he was not immune to. Remus sat cross legged in front of her and felt all his nerves disappear as he looked in her eyes.

"I'm in love with you Lily Evens," he said, clearly and without doubt. Lily's look was completely unreadable, and Remus felt a flush of excitement, knowing she felt exactly the same way. "Now you."

But Lily's eyebrows came together and she looked away for a moment, before turning resolutely back to Remus and saying, "I'm in love with James Potter." Tears spilled from her eyes as she continued to watch him, unable or unwilling to look away and leave him as alone as he felt. After a few minutes, her courage gave out and she stood quickly, brushing of her robes. She muttered a brief "I'm sorry" under her breath and left.

Remus, as he stood on the edge of the clearing now, looking despondently at the ground, could feel her sad presence even if he never had heard her silent sobs as she had walked away. But through his somewhat distanced remorse and remembrance, Remus noticed that the presence did not leave. He looked up and noticed a light figure standing some meters away from him in the tall grass. The figure was small and feminine, with her wand at her side as she stood looking at something on the ground in front of her. Remus moved towards her, and recognized a student of his from long ago.

"Miss Lovegood?" he asked, recognizing dirty blond hair and eccentric dress. She looked up at him, and he was startled to see she really hadn't changed much. Her figure, though taller was much the same and her face still possessed a startling wide-eyed innocence. But the look on her face was not inquisitive or curious or kind of peaceful, when she looked at him. It was wretched in pain.

"Professor Lupin." Her tone was nearly mocking, self-indulgently sarcastic. They had seen each other not rarely as they had both participated in the Order of the Phoenix for the last few months. They never spoke, despite the close relationship they had had when Luna was 12 years old and his student. He had rarely called her Miss Lovegood then, and she seemed to not approve of the title any more now than she had then.

Lupin took one step forward to see what was wrong with her when he noticed what she was looking at on the ground. Sticking out of a mass of ragged, dirty black robe, was a skeletal hand that Remus' had only ever seen glimpses of. The sight was horrible, but the feeling that usually accompanied it was conspicuously absent.

Remus felt a peculiar feeling to laugh aloud when he realized what he was witnessing. She had accomplished what he had never supposed anyone could before he had met her.

"You killed a dementor!" he said, resisting the strange impulse towards laughter and sounding both delighted and horrified at once. Luna's eyes flickered over to him briefly, but they returned immediately as though she could not bear the sight of him.

"It was never alive," she said as she continued to stare. Remus looked back towards her, worried. Big, bold tears began rolling down her cheeks.

"I couldn't do it, Remus. I was wrong. All the souls, all the poor people it kissed... I couldn't do it Remus," she said, sounding remarkably steady as she turned her entire body to face him and cried. Her arms were still at her side and one hand still delicately held onto her wand, but she cried harder than he had ever seen another person cry. She stared at him and cried and he felt the weight of the entire world upon him as he looked at this girl who he knew he could not comfort, who he could not hold and who felt as completely alone as he imagined he had felt.

He recalled that day so long ago when the same girl had taught him a lesson about the nature of punishment and forgiveness that he had thought himself beyond learning.

Remus did not know how Luna knew the souls of the kissed had not been freed, but he could not doubt her given her crystal clear understanding of dementors. But he gave her the next best comfort.

"But you did do it. You saved so many souls that are alive now, that might have been awaiting punishment, and the unimaginable many that have not been born," Remus said, still standing some distance from Luna, awkwardly unable to go near her. The sight of her was too much. She was a tragic miracle. She was the most lost little girl on the face of the planet and he felt himself the most disgusting man in the world for finding it so hopelessly beautiful.

But his words had soothed her, and the tears began to subside. They stood there silently without any discomfort for a while, completely immersed in their profound moment as each reached a conclusion, as each realized they had a secret to tell the other. But this was not their place or their time, and their secrets were not yet similar enough to be told together. This time and this place required repair and weeping and celebration, that Remus knew, as he and Luna began walking back towards Hogwarts in silent companionship, had no place for patient, deep, and profound revelation. Now was a time for love of life and affirmation of a time and a place to come.


End file.
